Blog: For Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Jews... Or, Much A-Blog About Nothing...

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Yom Kippur, etc...

Gmar Chatima Tova! I hope everyone had a safe and easy fast. While I don't want to come off sounding like I'm bragging, I want to say that I am very proud of myself because I did manage to fast the whole time this time! I won't go into detail, but that's a big big big deal for me because I have some serious medical issues that require I take medicine which in turn requires that I eat, but after careful consideration I decided I would try and get through it and only eat if I absolutely had to (don't tell my doctor, he'd shoot me!) *evil laugh*

Anyhooooooo....What's new? Well, besides the fact that school=my life right now, not much. Learning more each and every day, trying to be a better person, etc. You know, the usual. Reading everyone else's blogs while not updating my own. I have to admit I'm not as techno-savvy as I thought I was! Darn.... Definitely need to read up on HTML coding, etc...

Oh, in good news, I have requested my official conversion application form---yes, this is it people, I'mma do it now!!!! :-D I have been wanting for so long to actually start the official Orthodox conversion process, but so many things seemed to be standing in my way. That changed this Rosh Hashanah, however, when I was introduced to someone (who shall of course remain nameless) who took the time to guide me in the right direction and help me get things sorted out that I needed in order to begin my "real" journey. See my first post as to why actually starting the official process would be/is difficult for me. (Main problem being lack of Ortho community around where I go to school/live---long drive to nearest place and I don't have a car) Baruch Hashem someone amazing who is on the same path as I am (has been practicing Judaism/exploring it for a bit of time but hadn't actually made the formal attempt to convert until now) has offered to let me accompany her on trips to the city-where- ojews-actually- live for Shabbat/classes. How amazing I feel about this!!! I cannot even describe it to you. I know some of you out there do not understand why anyone would want to convert to Judaism, and Orthodox Judaism in particular, and I can appreciate that. I did not understand that it was what I wanted myself when I first started studying religion. All I can say is that my soul truly feels at home among the Jewish people, I identify with the culture, the community, and most importantly, the religion. I have never felt so genuinely at peace than when I am davening and when I am at shul/amongst Jews. To those who read this and feel that I have no right to ask to be accepted among you, I ask for compassion to understand a "lost soul" who is making her way home. I in no way want to offend anyone, and if I have done so, or ever do so, please correct me.


*pause to wipe eyes* Yikes...See, this is what I mean, I get SUPER EMOTIONAL when I try and articulate my feelings about Judaism. I have never felt this before (and I wasn't raised without religion at all---quite the contrary, actually) I believe my soul was present at Mt.Sinai just like every Jewish soul that ever was or ever will be. I know it is true because my soul sings when I am among Jews, when I daven, when I perform every mitzvot of daily life. I am truly in awe of Hashem and I am so excited to be on this journey. And wow do I sound like some evangelical Christian whacko right-wing nut job on TBN right now!!! Wow, please excuse me. It's just my emotions are so overwhelming and this is where I choose to let them flow. So please understand. Or don't---that's your choice :-)

So, uh, yeah, anyway, I really feel like Hashem is opening up new doors for me in the form of the amazing people that are being brought into my life, and the wonderful things that have happened to me just in the past week or so. I am hoping to live up to the expectations he has for me, and to do my best to honor all of my commitments in the coming year. I hope everyone will be inscribed and sealed in the Book of Life for a healthy and prosperous year!

3 comments:

SJ said...

Why are you worrying that someone would think that you have no right to be accepted?? Have you encountered that kind of hostility in the past?? I hope not! Mazal tov on starting your real journey...may it go smoothly and joyously!

JewCess said...

chatima tova!!!! I'm very excited about your conversion!!! I wish you the best!!! (and forget the non-sense about not being accepted!!! a true convert is a jew...and a jew is a jew!!!!)

BFwise- not with the best of luck. Mr.Commitment-phobia and I are totally done.... which is a good thing cause I think I'm still in love with Spiderman, who will be coming to town soon!!! I'll update by blog soon, it's just been crazy at work and with the holidays...

Shabbat Shalom!!! Hope you get to spend time and share with others in a beautiful Sukkah!!!

Saffron said...

Glad you visited the blog I do for my baby cause I've found yours. I really enjoyed reading that post, it was beautiful and made my heart smile - I don't know you and never will, but I'm sooooo happy you've found Judaism and have this emotion and passion for your life and what it now holds for you. That's so wonderful. Don't apologise to anyone for anything you're doing - it sounds so right.

I'm not religious in any way but that's just me and I think it's amazing that people can feel complete and like they belong. I have nothing against anyone elses belief. I know nothing about Judaism but reading your post made me want to. :)

Thanks for your kind words about my gorgeous little boy (www.caelanclark.blogspot.com - don't have it listed under my profile) - he IS THE BEST! hehe

All the best on your journey!